


There Are Places I Remember

by monkiainen



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Lies, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-03
Updated: 2014-09-03
Packaged: 2018-02-15 23:57:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2248191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monkiainen/pseuds/monkiainen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>"But if you look twice, you can see it's all lies."</i> Severus looks back in his life, thinking about all the lies he has told over the years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There Are Places I Remember

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Saturday Special in [](http://hh-sugarquill.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://hh-sugarquill.livejournal.com/)**hh_sugarquill**

**Title:** There Are Places I Remember  
 **Fandom:** Harry Potter  
 **Characters/pairings:** Severus Snape, Harry Potter, unrequited Severus Snape/Remus Lupin  
 **Rating:** PG-13  
 **Notes:** Written for the Saturday Special in [](http://hh-sugarquill.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://hh-sugarquill.livejournal.com/)**hh_sugarquill**  
 **Summary:** _"But if you look twice, you can see it's all lies."_ Severus looks back in his life, thinking about all the lies he has told over the years.

* * *

Soon it will be over. And he is still miraculously alive.

For a fleeting moment, when he was facing the Dark Lord in the Shrieking Shack, Severus was sure it was going to be the end of him. Nagini was already approaching him, and was about to sink its teeth to him when Potter and his gang arrived.

Severus hasn’t had a chance to ask Potter why exactly the boy saved him. It’s not like they are on friendly terms; far from it. Severus has made sure the moment he saw Harry the first time that the he will never get too close to the boy. He has had his share of broken hearts and bleeding souls to last him a lifetime. And so Severus made Harry’s life a misery, distancing himself from the boy with James’ hair and Lily’s eyes.

Oh how it had hurt at first, to see Lily’s eyes looking at him with such badly hidden contempt and coldness. The needs of many outweighed the needs of one - there was no space for foolish emotions.

It was ironic, really, that the all-knowing Miss Granger had originally thought that _he_ was the one trying to curse Potter’s broom in that Quidditch match. Seriously? For a smart girl like her, she was sometimes more thick than Neville Longbottom _(but it’s not his fault the poor boy is so afraid of everything, given what his former acquaintances did to his parents)._ Luckily for Harry, the little fire that caused Severus to jump up from his seat also took care of Quirrell’s curse-casting.

But he couldn’t tell Harry the truth back then. No. It was better that he had no idea of Severus’ sacrifices, and the oath he had taken when his best friend had lain dead in his arms. Lily’s death would be punished, and Severus would make amends to her son. Harry would know when he was old enough to know the truth.

Severus convinced himself that the reason he followed Marauders when they were at school was that he was jealous of Lily’s and James’ relationship. But the truth was, and still is, in some distorted way, it was someone else that had caught his eye. And yet Severus could never approach the person he had fallen in love with, for it would have meant admitting he was even more strange than he already was. _(Of course, now that attitudes have changed, Severus knows that there’s nothing wrong with falling in love with someone from your own gender. When you’re sixteen years old, however, it feels like the end of the world.)_

Severus can’t hate Sirius for what he did, for he understands the need to protect your friends. If James hadn’t been there that fateful night, maybe things would have been different for all of them. Severus either dead or turned to a werewolf, Remus executed, Sirius living with the guilt and for once taking responsibility for his actions. Maybe Lily would still be alive.

Love and Severus Snape are clearly not meant to be.

He couldn’t tell Harry, or anyone else for that matter, that he didn’t hate Remus Lupin because he was a werewolf. He just couldn’t stand being in the same room with the man who had no idea of Severus’ true feelings towards him. Unrequited love is a more powerful motivator than fulfilled one.

Severus did his best to protect Harry during the Triwizard Tournament. It’s not an easy task to protect someone who distrusts you and does his best to stay out of your sight. Invisibility Cloak is not the only way to get unnoticed though – if Harry had known back then how often Severus took the Imperceptus Potion to keep an eye on him it would have surprised him. Severus Snape did never fail his duty.

Maybe if Severus had been nicer to Harry in his fifth year, Sirius could still be alive. The foolish boy got himself caught because of a vision he had of Sirius being imprisoned – when all he should have done was to come to Severus directly. But alas, the message got delayed, and Sirius Black was more than eager to join the battle.

Harry blamed Severus for Sirius’ death, and rightly so. One more thing he needs to pay for.

Oh Albus. Why did you ask me to kill you? Severus knows that there was nothing that could have saved Albus from dying eventually – it was better to let Voldemort believe that his plan had worked all along. At least Draco was saved from making that terrible decision of taking someone else’s life. Albus’ final thoughts were for Severus, and Severus alone: _”I am proud of you, Severus, for all the work you have done. Keep the boy save. Don’t let Voldemort to win.”_

Harry, in his grief and fury, tried to curse him when they were leaving Hogwarts. It took all of Severus’ skills to stop Harry, even if he made it look effortless. Maybe they had a chance after all.

Being the Headmaster of Hogwarts had been his hardest task of yet. Severus couldn’t outright go and protect the students, nor he could tell the remaining members of the Order his true loyalties. Discretion and slyness had always been his tools, and there was no better time to use them. Sometimes Severus took the Polyjuice Potion, masquerading as Aberforth and guiding the students to safety. Sometimes he deliberately gave the Carrows mismatched information, only to have them come back empty-handed and muttering about stupid children. And on occasion, when nothing else would help, Severus Confunded Minerva into believing that she had been the one to help the students instead of him.

And now, it was all over. Severus does not know where to start when Harry demands answers for his actions. Finally he starts a story about two children, a red-headed girl and a raven-haired boy who lived next to each other. The story goes on and on and on, until Severus is out of breath and his mouth feels like sandpaper. He does not want to meet Harry’s eyes for the fear of hate he will surely see there.

Someone touches his shoulder, and with a start Severus raises his eyes to meet the ones of Harry, Hermione and Ron. Hermione has clearly been crying, while both Harry and Ron look more determined than ever. Silence continues, until Harry squeezes him briefly, and whispers in his ear: “Thank you.”

The lies are out, and truth is there to see. Maybe Severus can finally accept the man he has become.


End file.
